Personal Diary 101

Surprise surprise i thought i'm gonna leave this blog forever because i don't feel like writing. A bit curious because i always have at least one reader for each and every single post that i posted. I only come here when i feel that nobody will understand me and i don't feel like letting out my problems to anyone. Guess what i got back with him. I'm happy, perhaps? But still hating the fact that we still fight because he disagrees with whatever i say which does not even involve or relates to him. You know it's toxic when you still have doubt on your partner. I have doubt every single time we fight now. He still call me suka jaga tepi kain orang and for me that's an insult just because yesterday i posted a brief advice on how to differentiate people from being hypocrite and not to expose your bad deeds. Yes i always speak up on my opinion which i feel is related to current scenarios. I have no idea why would he read it if he thinks he's gonna hate it and atta

It has been 2 months that I live without you. Until this moment I still don't find any ways on how we can make our relationship work again. I know this is already the end of us. We are dead. Every single day I hope somebody else will take care of you better than me. You were my baby and everything. I have to let you go so that you'll get back the life that you've lost for a year. I do love you but we just can't no longer be together. I learned on how to be more independent. How to survive without you. Memories will stay. I hope you'll be a better person again and again. I've done my part in loving and taking care of you.  If you read this, you should know that I never even want to leave you. But I know as what you wish, someone else better than me is waiting for you out there.  Let this love be a history for us. It means so much to me and I need a long break from it.  Don't worry if you never seen me dating another guy, because it was always you all of t

Every single time that I look at your pictures you know what I feel? I feel guilty & bad for not being able to help you anymore. I just feel sad. You know I really loved you I did my best to take care of you. You decided to leave I can't force you to stay. You can't accept my honesty. It's not that I cheat on you but you know I've been so obsessed to you. I want to always keep you doing good. It did hurt me. I'm not mad at you or hate you. Until this moment I still feel that I should be responsible for you.  Afiq, I sayang you sangat2. Dah 2 tahun I jaga you, I tolong you. Berat hati I nak biarkan you pergi tapi you dah buat keputusan you. I maafkan semua salah you. Buruk mana pun you I tetap akan ingat you pernah bahagiakan I. Buat I rasa special. You bagi perhatian dekat I. Memang tak dapat dinafikan pun lately ni I banyak fikir pasal you. Keadaan you tgh susah sekarang. I tak boleh terima kenapa jadi mcm ni dekat you. Kenapa family you tak tolong you. You ta

After what he had done to me that night, I've started to feel that he doesn't even want me for the sake of love. I dah tak nampak masa depan kami berdua untuk hidup bersama sampai bila2. I tengah sedih, murung sepanjang hari dekat sini tapi dia langsung tak ambik tahu. I dah mula terfikir kenapa dia tak pernah ada effort nak datang visit I dekat sini even setakat naik train pun? Dia dah naik lemak ke sebab I yg selalu pergi visit dia bawak dia keluar apa semua. I pernah je pergi jumpa dia semata2 sebab dia cakap dia lapar takde transport nak keluar makan & cafe pulak semua tutup. I sanggup je pergi. It's not about who has the accommodation but it's still about effort. I rasa kalau harini I mampus sorang2 dalam bilik ni pun dia tak tahu. Sebab dia taknak ambik tahu pun I okay ke tak. He never notice whatever that say on twitter. He thinks I'm just babbling alone about some stupid shit. I will only deep talk on twitter when I am all alone and there's no one th

Da da da da The smell of your skin lingers on me now You're probably on your flight back to your home town I need some shelter of my own protection, baby To be with myself and center Clarity, peace, serenity I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life It's time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry Don't cry Don't cry Don't cry The path that I'm walking I must go alone I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they? And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blank

The ugly truth about me again. I let myself to be fooled by your promises again & again. I let you dump me with your words. My fault again i gave you chance in hopes that you’ll change. But then again the same old you. You’ve been in your comfort zone for such a long time. No doubt you behave this way. No doubt become so spoiled. You can easily scold me for any reasons you want. How stupid i am :)

Maybe it’s already meant for me to always be ignored. Did nothing but I am ignored for no reason. I’m not gonna care too much about others anymore. I’m not gonna force anyone to always be there for me too. I’ve done so much of being kind to people. Just a small thing that made me being ignored? Guess what, I’m tired being the only one trying so hard to keep the conversation going. If it’s meant to be it will be, if it’s not I shall accept everything that is meant for me. Not being a priority anymore. Well it might be a sign. I’m just not a helpful person as what you expected.

I know that I should never compare my life with anyone else but now I’ve started to feel how dull is my uni life. Seeing my friends are all having a good bond between their coursemates & friends. Used to be in the same class with my boyfriend & yes they even treat me so good. It’s different with what I’m having now. No bonds & always excluded. I wish I’ll quit this place real quick. I just wanna go to other better place that I can make friends & have that normal uni life. Now my life is only about me being hectic with my task & study but I don’t have that time or space for a leisure time of me enjoying the student life. Kinda upset but maybe this was meant for me. Maybe next time I’ll have a better life.

It has not been so great or not so bad neither. I just had my early morning thoughts of I forgot how it feels of having a bestfriend and a good roommate. It has been 2-3 years ago since I last had both of them. Maybe I've gone to the wrong place where I can't seem to have much friends that I can hang out with. I don't expect people to pay attention on me but I do have my instinct of wanting to live normally like how other people do. Maybe there are people like me but they do have many virtual friends. I'm not really sure if I have a lot because most of the time I'm not even texting to anyone other than my boyfriend. I think I'm not gonna bother to make friends at my current place right now because non of them can suit me. Maybe a few might work but I just wanna have a break from taking care of someone's feeling. Somehow I only have another 2 semesters left which equals to 8 months. I wanna do something that I love & I just have to start making my own inc

I miss a long journey drive with him. Last year we went to Pesta Penang on December but it was not properly planned I guess. I think 2 days 1 night trip to Penang wasn't enough for me. This year I really wish to have a longer trip with him because we did not manage to food hunt that much because we were rushing to go back because of certain things. So we've planned a couple of trips for this year such as going to Krabi in August and Johor in December. I hope we won't have much things to do at that moment because all I need is a vacation with him and enjoy our leisure time together. Looking forward to more adventure with you this year ! <3

I just found out a new song which is so addicting and relatable with me. I can listen to it for so many times per day even though it is an old song. But that's what my soul need and it's a vibe for me ! Mind Mischief

Since i got home, i never tell my mum why did i move out from that house. So i just simply gave excuse that i don't wanna clean up the mess in that house anymore. But that's kinda make sense too because i'm quite tired taking care of that house. I'm really looking forward to have a look at my new room. I plan to decorate it a lil bit but i'm not sure yet. If i feel a bit extra maybe i'll do something with my room because i need to stay there for another 8 months.

Finally i've done taking my stuff out of this room and i only have a few things left to take out tomorrow. And yes finally i'm gonna leave this stupid house surrounded by stupid people. I should've left last semester but it was a mistake that i be too kind with this girl. After knowing that somebody actually became the third person to make things worst, now i no longer have my kindness towards anyone. Everyone here is so busybody about my life. Yes it's also a huge mistake to stay in the same house with your course mate because they talk a lot about you when you're not around. Last night was the most bullshit night ever and i didn't expect my roommate is going to be extremely stupid. I think tonight she'll be sleeping at the front room well that's good because i 've had enough with her shitty attitude towards me. I'm gonna be staying alone after this until i graduate and i'm hoping a better life and just focus on my study & assignment. I