I guess this is just another bad times in life. I cant no longer keep my feelings & thoughts alone. I chose to write as an anonymous but still couldnt get everything out of mind. Something sad & pathetic is happening to me. These days i’ve been so depressed that i wasnt able to do most thing in life. I dont talk to anyone even him. Sadly he doesnt even realize my changes. I just feel useless, unimportant to him. Even worse i think he’s changing to a person that he used to be. No effort to pay me a visit. Sometimes i wonder does he even care all the effort & everything i sacrifice for him? Something that disappoints me the most recently is the fact that he’s gonna go for an event without me. I know that the event is something so close to his passion but what’s the issue of bringing me along when i dont even mind riding with him for hours? Sedih bila fikir aku sendiri pun tengah depressed & makin hari makin teruk. I push everything else away. My friends, my passion &
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A fortnight of October
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Surprise surprise i thought i'm gonna leave this blog forever because i don't feel like writing. A bit curious because i always have at least one reader for each and every single post that i posted. I only come here when i feel that nobody will understand me and i don't feel like letting out my problems to anyone. Guess what i got back with him. I'm happy, perhaps? But still hating the fact that we still fight because he disagrees with whatever i say which does not even involve or relates to him. You know it's toxic when you still have doubt on your partner. I have doubt every single time we fight now. He still call me suka jaga tepi kain orang and for me that's an insult just because yesterday i posted a brief advice on how to differentiate people from being hypocrite and not to expose your bad deeds. Yes i always speak up on my opinion which i feel is related to current scenarios. I have no idea why would he read it if he thinks he's gonna hate it and atta
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It has been 2 months that I live without you. Until this moment I still don't find any ways on how we can make our relationship work again. I know this is already the end of us. We are dead. Every single day I hope somebody else will take care of you better than me. You were my baby and everything. I have to let you go so that you'll get back the life that you've lost for a year. I do love you but we just can't no longer be together. I learned on how to be more independent. How to survive without you. Memories will stay. I hope you'll be a better person again and again. I've done my part in loving and taking care of you. If you read this, you should know that I never even want to leave you. But I know as what you wish, someone else better than me is waiting for you out there. Let this love be a history for us. It means so much to me and I need a long break from it. Don't worry if you never seen me dating another guy, because it was always you all of t
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Every single time that I look at your pictures you know what I feel? I feel guilty & bad for not being able to help you anymore. I just feel sad. You know I really loved you I did my best to take care of you. You decided to leave I can't force you to stay. You can't accept my honesty. It's not that I cheat on you but you know I've been so obsessed to you. I want to always keep you doing good. It did hurt me. I'm not mad at you or hate you. Until this moment I still feel that I should be responsible for you. Afiq, I sayang you sangat2. Dah 2 tahun I jaga you, I tolong you. Berat hati I nak biarkan you pergi tapi you dah buat keputusan you. I maafkan semua salah you. Buruk mana pun you I tetap akan ingat you pernah bahagiakan I. Buat I rasa special. You bagi perhatian dekat I. Memang tak dapat dinafikan pun lately ni I banyak fikir pasal you. Keadaan you tgh susah sekarang. I tak boleh terima kenapa jadi mcm ni dekat you. Kenapa family you tak tolong you. You ta
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After what he had done to me that night, I've started to feel that he doesn't even want me for the sake of love. I dah tak nampak masa depan kami berdua untuk hidup bersama sampai bila2. I tengah sedih, murung sepanjang hari dekat sini tapi dia langsung tak ambik tahu. I dah mula terfikir kenapa dia tak pernah ada effort nak datang visit I dekat sini even setakat naik train pun? Dia dah naik lemak ke sebab I yg selalu pergi visit dia bawak dia keluar apa semua. I pernah je pergi jumpa dia semata2 sebab dia cakap dia lapar takde transport nak keluar makan & cafe pulak semua tutup. I sanggup je pergi. It's not about who has the accommodation but it's still about effort. I rasa kalau harini I mampus sorang2 dalam bilik ni pun dia tak tahu. Sebab dia taknak ambik tahu pun I okay ke tak. He never notice whatever that say on twitter. He thinks I'm just babbling alone about some stupid shit. I will only deep talk on twitter when I am all alone and there's no one th
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Da da da da The smell of your skin lingers on me now You're probably on your flight back to your home town I need some shelter of my own protection, baby To be with myself and center Clarity, peace, serenity I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life It's time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry Don't cry Don't cry Don't cry The path that I'm walking I must go alone I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they? And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blank
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The ugly truth about me again. I let myself to be fooled by your promises again & again. I let you dump me with your words. My fault again i gave you chance in hopes that you’ll change. But then again the same old you. You’ve been in your comfort zone for such a long time. No doubt you behave this way. No doubt become so spoiled. You can easily scold me for any reasons you want. How stupid i am :)