Personal Diary 101

The ugly truth about me again. I let myself to be fooled by your promises again & again. I let you dump me with your words. My fault again i gave you chance in hopes that you’ll change. But then again the same old you. You’ve been in your comfort zone for such a long time. No doubt you behave this way. No doubt become so spoiled. You can easily scold me for any reasons you want. How stupid i am :)

Maybe it’s already meant for me to always be ignored. Did nothing but I am ignored for no reason. I’m not gonna care too much about others anymore. I’m not gonna force anyone to always be there for me too. I’ve done so much of being kind to people. Just a small thing that made me being ignored? Guess what, I’m tired being the only one trying so hard to keep the conversation going. If it’s meant to be it will be, if it’s not I shall accept everything that is meant for me. Not being a priority anymore. Well it might be a sign. I’m just not a helpful person as what you expected.

I know that I should never compare my life with anyone else but now I’ve started to feel how dull is my uni life. Seeing my friends are all having a good bond between their coursemates & friends. Used to be in the same class with my boyfriend & yes they even treat me so good. It’s different with what I’m having now. No bonds & always excluded. I wish I’ll quit this place real quick. I just wanna go to other better place that I can make friends & have that normal uni life. Now my life is only about me being hectic with my task & study but I don’t have that time or space for a leisure time of me enjoying the student life. Kinda upset but maybe this was meant for me. Maybe next time I’ll have a better life.

It has not been so great or not so bad neither. I just had my early morning thoughts of I forgot how it feels of having a bestfriend and a good roommate. It has been 2-3 years ago since I last had both of them. Maybe I've gone to the wrong place where I can't seem to have much friends that I can hang out with. I don't expect people to pay attention on me but I do have my instinct of wanting to live normally like how other people do. Maybe there are people like me but they do have many virtual friends. I'm not really sure if I have a lot because most of the time I'm not even texting to anyone other than my boyfriend. I think I'm not gonna bother to make friends at my current place right now because non of them can suit me. Maybe a few might work but I just wanna have a break from taking care of someone's feeling. Somehow I only have another 2 semesters left which equals to 8 months. I wanna do something that I love & I just have to start making my own inc