Posts

I guess this is just another bad times in life. I cant no longer keep my feelings & thoughts alone. I chose to write as an anonymous but still couldnt get everything out of mind. Something sad & pathetic is happening to me. These days i’ve been so depressed that i wasnt able to do most thing in life. I dont talk to anyone even him. Sadly he doesnt even realize my changes. I just feel useless, unimportant to him. Even worse i think he’s changing to a person that he used to be. No effort to pay me a visit. Sometimes i wonder does he even care all the effort & everything i sacrifice for him? Something that disappoints me the most recently is the fact that he’s gonna go for an event without me. I know that the event is something so close to his passion but what’s the issue of bringing me along when i dont even mind riding with him for hours? Sedih bila fikir aku sendiri pun tengah depressed & makin hari makin teruk. I push everything else away. My friends, my passion &

A fortnight of October

Surprise surprise i thought i'm gonna leave this blog forever because i don't feel like writing. A bit curious because i always have at least one reader for each and every single post that i posted. I only come here when i feel that nobody will understand me and i don't feel like letting out my problems to anyone. Guess what i got back with him. I'm happy, perhaps? But still hating the fact that we still fight because he disagrees with whatever i say which does not even involve or relates to him. You know it's toxic when you still have doubt on your partner. I have doubt every single time we fight now. He still call me suka jaga tepi kain orang and for me that's an insult just because yesterday i posted a brief advice on how to differentiate people from being hypocrite and not to expose your bad deeds. Yes i always speak up on my opinion which i feel is related to current scenarios. I have no idea why would he read it if he thinks he's gonna hate it and atta
It has been 2 months that I live without you. Until this moment I still don't find any ways on how we can make our relationship work again. I know this is already the end of us. We are dead. Every single day I hope somebody else will take care of you better than me. You were my baby and everything. I have to let you go so that you'll get back the life that you've lost for a year. I do love you but we just can't no longer be together. I learned on how to be more independent. How to survive without you. Memories will stay. I hope you'll be a better person again and again. I've done my part in loving and taking care of you.  If you read this, you should know that I never even want to leave you. But I know as what you wish, someone else better than me is waiting for you out there.  Let this love be a history for us. It means so much to me and I need a long break from it.  Don't worry if you never seen me dating another guy, because it was always you all of t
Every single time that I look at your pictures you know what I feel? I feel guilty & bad for not being able to help you anymore. I just feel sad. You know I really loved you I did my best to take care of you. You decided to leave I can't force you to stay. You can't accept my honesty. It's not that I cheat on you but you know I've been so obsessed to you. I want to always keep you doing good. It did hurt me. I'm not mad at you or hate you. Until this moment I still feel that I should be responsible for you.  Afiq, I sayang you sangat2. Dah 2 tahun I jaga you, I tolong you. Berat hati I nak biarkan you pergi tapi you dah buat keputusan you. I maafkan semua salah you. Buruk mana pun you I tetap akan ingat you pernah bahagiakan I. Buat I rasa special. You bagi perhatian dekat I. Memang tak dapat dinafikan pun lately ni I banyak fikir pasal you. Keadaan you tgh susah sekarang. I tak boleh terima kenapa jadi mcm ni dekat you. Kenapa family you tak tolong you. You ta
After what he had done to me that night, I've started to feel that he doesn't even want me for the sake of love. I dah tak nampak masa depan kami berdua untuk hidup bersama sampai bila2. I tengah sedih, murung sepanjang hari dekat sini tapi dia langsung tak ambik tahu. I dah mula terfikir kenapa dia tak pernah ada effort nak datang visit I dekat sini even setakat naik train pun? Dia dah naik lemak ke sebab I yg selalu pergi visit dia bawak dia keluar apa semua. I pernah je pergi jumpa dia semata2 sebab dia cakap dia lapar takde transport nak keluar makan & cafe pulak semua tutup. I sanggup je pergi. It's not about who has the accommodation but it's still about effort. I rasa kalau harini I mampus sorang2 dalam bilik ni pun dia tak tahu. Sebab dia taknak ambik tahu pun I okay ke tak. He never notice whatever that say on twitter. He thinks I'm just babbling alone about some stupid shit. I will only deep talk on twitter when I am all alone and there's no one th
Da da da da The smell of your skin lingers on me now You're probably on your flight back to your home town I need some shelter of my own protection, baby To be with myself and center Clarity, peace, serenity I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life It's time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry Don't cry Don't cry Don't cry The path that I'm walking I must go alone I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they? And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blank
The ugly truth about me again. I let myself to be fooled by your promises again & again. I let you dump me with your words. My fault again i gave you chance in hopes that you’ll change. But then again the same old you. You’ve been in your comfort zone for such a long time. No doubt you behave this way. No doubt become so spoiled. You can easily scold me for any reasons you want. How stupid i am :)